What is this teaching you?

This morning I woke up feeling quite sorry for myself. My jaw was really sore since last night. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t figure out why it was so keyed up. I’ve been eating soft foods and thought it was getting a little better. I also have been having a flare up of IBS which has been uncomfortable and now 14 days late for period (not pregnant). What does this all mean? I have no clue anymore.

The TMJ pain is so bad because there is inflammation in the joint and I can’t take Aleve, Motrin or Advil to help get it out. Oh yeah, I can’t get drunk to forget about it either; I’ve been alcohol free for six years as of today. Any chance I have at getting that inflammation out of the has to be done naturally, with time or by injection. Yes, I could probably medicate myself with pain killers if I wanted to but I am really trying to get through this without becoming a drug addict. As for the IBS and the late period, they pretty much go together. My hormones are probably out of balance which is causing both issues. I really don’t think I am in Menopause yet. Another strange thing is happening. It’s like all of my old injuries are starting to hurt again…my knee, my neck…This happened once before when my hormones got out of wack. That’s why I am praying for a period to come soon because it will level out the hormones that are causing the chaos in my body.

This is not an easy situation to be in. As I was laying in bed crying and feeling swallowed whole by depression, my Reiki Teacher texted me. After a few texts back and forth she wrote, “It’s hard when we go through stuff like this. But, what are you learning through this journey? What are you learning that you can share with others? You will be able to help others get through stuff like this when you are a Coach!” Well, I felt like writing back, “Fuck you. I am just gonna feel sorry myself and cry all day. Thanks!”. But, instead I wrote, “Thanks, I’ll think it over!” I really had no intention of thinking it over.

I forced myself out of bed around 11am. I got dressed and went for a 30 minute walk on the beach. I was still in pain but functional. It was as I was driving around that my Rieki’s teacher’s words started to work on me. What have I learned… I’ve learned the TMJ is manageable once you get it under control and adjust your lifestyle. This is not a permanent situation but the pain may hang around to some degree until I at least go back to Penn on 12/7 and get the treatment plan. The doc up there didn’t want to give me any treatment plan without the MRI results and he saw what was really going on in the joint. I’ve learned less is best. I stopped all supplements and homeopathic treatments except for Cal/Mag/DK. I am only taking the Cal/Mag/DK because I am not eating Dairy. I am focusing my diet on getting all of nutrition through food. I am eating Wild Caught Salmon twice a week so I don’t have to take Fish Oil and drinking smoothies and green juice to get nutrition without chewing. My dinner tonight will be Oven Baked Wild Caught Salmon, Mashed Sweet Potatoes with Omega 3 Oil and Olive Oil and a sautéed Spinach/Kale mix. This meal is soft and contains a lot nutrition and it has a good serving of Omega 3s which are good at calming inflammation in the body. It’s the same as taking Fish Oil only I am eating food instead of taking a pill. I don’t want to take a lot of pills because they are hard on the Liver and that makes me sluggish. I am also down to one cup of coffee a day probably on my way to just Decaf or no coffee at at all unless I go out to each. I can’t even believe it. The caffeine hasn’t been good for me lately. I am better without it. Well, I may have learned other stuff too but I am still a little bitter and don’t want to get carried away with the “everything has a reason” crap.

I am also experimenting with Essential Oils for pain management. I’m using Peppermint and Lavendar right now. I ordered Frankincense and Valor which are supposed to be great for TMJ. I ordered a couple of rollers from a friend. I may also look into CBD Oil. However, I live in NJ and it is still illegal to buy CBD Oil over the internet in our State; so that will have to wait until it is legalized. NJ has pending legislation to legalize it. My medical stuff doesn’t qualify me for Medical Marjiuana. Ice just isn’t cutting it and actually it feels a little worse after I ice it so I am taking a break from that.

What I do know is that I am glad I am documenting this whole thing on this blog. In future when I am recovered and have clients who are in similar situations, I can ask them to read these posts – especially those who can’t take NSAIDS or don’t want to use a lot of pain meds. They will see I’ve been there. I’ve done it. I’ve recovered.

I should be able to go in the office for work on Monday ( I hope). But, will take each day as it comes and see what happens. I already decided I am no longer knocking myself out for that job anymore. I can’t do it anymore. When you are a giver, takers just keep taking. That is the situation I got myself into there. They will take until I put a stop to it. This is me stopping it. I haven’t heard anything about the temporary assignment. I don’t know if that is good or bad. Honestly, as much as I want to get it, I am also detaching myself from the outcome. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. I’ll move on. Regardless of the outcome of that situation I have to be honest and say that I am miss my Bluelove very much. He’s been on my mind. I just hope I am on his mind too. I still feel we are connected on a spiritual level and in each other’s lives for purpose.

In order of preference, I am praying for: a period with resolution of IBS and muscle/joint aches(pronto please), relief from severe pain in my jaw just so it’s more manageable and long term healing. The last thing I am praying for is strength that I still have my sanity left by the time this over and that the depression doesn’t swallow my whole. If you would like to pray for me and send some healing thoughts and vibes my way, I would greatly appreciate it. I am not too proud to say I need them right about now 🙏

(C) 2017 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

Life is best when lived passionately

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