Always the hard way

Why do I always do things the hard way? 😂 Everyone kept asking me if I needed someone to go with me to Penn today. I said no as I didn’t see it as a big deal until I woke up with diarrhea 😂☺️ Pretty inconvenient when you have to drive an hour😂Also, I took my last dose of steroids this morning which made me a little insane too.

After I had to get off the Expressway to use the bathroom, the anxiety started building. I hit A LOT of traffic. By the time I got to the Walt Whitman bridge I was having a full on anxiety attack and afraid I was going to crash my car. I called my sister who did manage to calm me down. She offered to drive down and meet me at doctor but I told her not to. She talked to me until I got to the parking garage.i realized as I talked to her the easier way to have done this would have been to stay at my Mom’s in Philly overnight and my mom could have went down with me or my sister could have driven me. By 9:30am I had already had a long morning😂 Yep, the hard way!

Here’s the doctor appointment run down… It’s TMJ for sure. He could hear my jaw popping and clicking as he was examining it. He could see on panoramic X-ray that both sides of my jaw have A LOT of arthritis. I said, “well, I am 50”. He said, “no, it is more than I normally see in 50 years olds. Do you have RA? Do you have arthritis in any other joints?” I answered, “RA tests and Autoimmune Markers are negative but I do have arthritis in my SI joints from being double jointed.” He said, “ahhh!, We need an MRI! I can’t give you a treatment plan until I see everything that is going on in your jaw.” He said the X-RAY didn’t show any stones in the lower saliva glands and my lower lymph node was a little swollen but it could be from the steroids. I scheduled my MRI for Sunday morning at a place that does sit up MRIs. In the meantime, softer foods, alternating ice/heat, CVS mouthguard only if it feels like it is helping, relaxation techniques, no more steroids and he wants me to ween off the Xanax. He told me to only use it on extremely painful nights or stressful days. The steroids and the xanax could be making the dry mouth worse; making the Salivary gland lower saliva production which is confusing the problem. Then he also told me I look like I need some rest😂 Um, I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing lately.

It’s 4pm and I am exhausted. I am in my pjs. I am happy that I planned to work from home tomorrow. My jaw isn’t in too much pain. It’s just discomfort. I am just beat up. I’ll see how I feel in the morning. I will feel better after a good night’s sleep. I also need to dial back the stress and drama.

This has been a strange few weeks. A LOT of stress in all aspects of my life. Some things are finally calming down:

I made decision about the apartment. As I look at the ocean, I am happy I am not moving.
Work gave me approval to apply for temporary assignment. Whatever happens things will be refined so I am not getting over tasked or pulled into everything.
Mom signed the paperwork for the senior apartment complex waiting list and is putting her house up for sale.
Today is my last day of steroids
I saw the specialist today
I told me IIN Accountability Partner that I can’t go to Kripalu for NYE weekend with her. I did already book it. But, it’s causing me some stress. It’s $700 and I will need to buy a mouthguard. I need the money for that. I am also not up for stressing myself out driving 5 hours by myself this year. She will be disappointed. I am sorry about that. I just can’t do it this year. This is the year I need to slow down and take care of myself right here at home.
I told my ENT I am holding off on any Salivary Gland MRI/tests until after the results of TMJ MRI come back and I give it a few days of being off the steroids/xanax to see what happens.

I could write more but I am tired. I need to do something mindless like stare at a TV 🙂

Everything is always working out for my highest good

(C) 2017 Linda A Long – All Rights Reserved

Life is best when lived passionately

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