Opening Up And Letting Go

Why I write this blog? I asked myself this question a few times over the last few weeks. I was thinking of closing the blog down. I reflected back to when I started writing it in 2010. I used those feelings to remember writing is one of my passions.

I will not be closing this blog but the content may shift a bit. I started writing this blog because I enjoyed writing. It’s that simple. Writing is one of my passions. It makes me happy most days and on days I am sad it gives me an outlet. Early on, I wrote mostly slice of life message stories. True stories about life that also had a message. Over time I started adding my personal poetry which included erotica written for men I’ve loved and desired. Lately, I’ve been writing about my latest encounter with Depression and how I moving through it.

Tonight I am reminded of a story I wrote in 2010 about a rip tide. The rip tide being a sucky stretch of road in life. I am reminded of this because I would consider Depression to be an emotional rip tide. So, how do you get out of a rip tide? You surrender and relax into it. The rip tide will naturally pull you out the other end. It’s when folks fight it and try to swim out that they drown and wear themselves out.

Relating the rip tide to this encounter with Depression I can tell you one thing for sure. I fought so hard to stop it that I actually made it worse. I resisted in every way possible. My fears took hold of me until the panic was controlling me. The greatest fear I have going on in life is not heights, elevators or even small spaces. It is loss. Losing those I love for whatever reason. Events of recent weeks triggered that fear. As the rip tide got stronger in life, I held on tighter and worked harder not to allow it. I offered resistance to the Universe until the Universe broke me. It forced me to surrender and let go.

I see now I was trying to control things that were outside of my control. Holding on so tight to those I love so much made my energy negative and needy. It seemed more like attachment than love. I was trying to bring a quick solution to complicated issues by applying pressure. I was trying to swim out of the rip tide all by myself.

I’ve found relief in my surrender. The rip tide is moving me to the other of side of Depression. As the heavy emotions start to lift, I see life is coming together rather than falling apart. I also reached out to establish more support. First, my role and responsibilities are changing in work. As I step into a new level of responsibility, I see I need coaching and a mentor. I work with a consultant who also has a private coaching business. I spoke to her today and asked her to coach/mentor me as I make this transition. I told her, “don’t buy any of my bs. Challenge me, push me, be my mirror. Make me see myself. I want to be successful and I am asking you to help me do it! ” She already gave me homework 😂😂👍Second, I withdrew a lot socially in recent years. I stopped going out much mostly because I can’t drink alcohol. I recently started reaching back out to the people who were always good friends. I explained why I withdrew. It’s time to expand my world a bit and allow others to play a part of my life. I doubt I’ll be going to happy hour to drink a Soda on Friday nights but I certainly can make an effort to participate in other events. Third, I called on my faith. I know everything in my life is working out for my highest good. I know I am stronger than I gave myself credit. My God brought me to it, I know he’ll see me through.

I surrendered. I relaxed into the rip tide of Depression. I let go. If God is calling me to let go of people who are in my life right now for whatever reason, I will gracefully open my hand and let go. I won’t resist anymore. I will trust the process. I will have faith what is meant for me, will not miss me and what misses me was not meant for me. I want the best for all even if it’s not me.

I wrote the below poem a few years ago when I first stopped drinking. That was an equally hard time of life for me. Guess what? I survived and I am better and healthier than I ever was before. I let go.
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

I Opened My Hand And Let Go
By: Linda A. Long

In opening
My hand
I let go
Of everything
I tried
To hold on to
Too tightly
Reminding myself
Where
I was
What
I overcame
Who
I am now
Changed
Forever
By the wave
That swept
Through my life
Innocently
It started
As a ripple
As one
Decision
Lead to another
And pulled
Me down
To the very
Bottom
Of my soul
To find
Authenticity
For the first time
Traveling down this
Rocky road
To peace
“Stop”
My mind
Shouted
“Go back”
My heart pounded
“This is too hard”
My body wept
“I can’t”
A small little voice
Deep within
Proclaimed
“I must”
Asserted
My soul
Not knowing
Exactly what
I was choosing
Only knowing
Life was forcing
Me to start over
I can’t remember
Consciously
Making the choice
I don’t remember
Saying
“Yes”
I can’t reflect
On the exact
Moment
It happened
It happened
Every day
With every
Choice
Letting go
One day
Holding on
The next
Having faith
Meaningful things
In my life
Will remain
Trusting what is
Rightfully mine
Will return
I opened
My hand
And let go
Finally
I see
The very best
Of me
For the
First time
I accept
I am powerful
Confidently
I stand
With tears
In my eyes
Because I
Finally
Set myself
Free
In knowing myself
I let go
By Trusting
Myself more
Than listening
To the advice
Of others
I finally found
My peace
Because
I let go
Of who
I was
And who
They wanted
Me to be
I timidly
Courageously
Started walking
My road
To peace
Through
The valley of
Of self-love
And
To the mountaintop
Of self-acceptance
I found
Happiness
Within
No longer
Needing
Validation or approval
From others
I pinned my
Happiness
To the beat of
My very own
Heart
Simply
Because
I opened
My hand
And let go
© 2013 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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