I don’t post selfies on my blog very often. Mostly because I prefer annonimity. Today I stumbled across a photo of my BFF and I at the Kenny Chesney concert in 2011. I found the photo hard to look at. It hurt me to see me at my weakest. I am posting the below photos today because I want to make no mistake about it…I want it to be clear and visible…In 2016, I am better, stronger, wiser, more confident, more self assured and happier than I’ve ever been. I let go of the girl in the 2011 photo to become the woman I am today.
The girl you see in the photo with the cowboy hat was 50+ pounds heavier than I am today. She drank too much. She smoked too much. She had problems with her heart and liver and she lived on Tums all day long. She was also involved in a very unhealthy situation with a man and found out many of the people she thought were friends couldn’t be trusted. This girl was so beaten up she lost her confidence and almost her life to health issues.
One day that girl woke up. Literally, she woke the fuck up and saw everything clearly – for what it really was. She saw people for who they really were. While that was heartbreaking, it was also pivotal in her growth.
The day the girl woke up was the best day and worst day of her life. It changed everything. The switch in her head was flipped ON and without a moments hesitation the girl burned her life to the ground. She severed ties to a man, fake friends. She gave up alcohol and cigarettes. She actually found comfort and a solid foundation to build her life when she hit rock bottom.
It’s been almost five years since I blew up my life. By nature, I am a strategic risk taker in life. I knew I was taking a huge gamble by walking away from everything but I also knew I was at a breaking point. I knew I wasn’t going to survive the way I was. By walking away, I gave space and room for other good things and people to enter my experience. I opened my heart again to someone who has been good for me. I gave my body a fresh start. I cleared a path for the evolution of my soul and I allowed myself to grow into the woman you see in the photo below. Looking at the 2016 photo, do you see any regrets in my face? Nope, not even a little one!
I feel the ground under my feet shifting again today. It’s calling me to change and grow again. I feel this shift to be more professional than personal. I’ve reached the point of surrender and I am looking forward to seeing how things will play out. I’ve also been looking out for my own interests. I am open to movement and change.
The woman I am today is passionate, smart and strategic. She is ready to play big. She is ready to work, live and love with every ounce of wild, crazy,passsion that is in her heart. She is ready. I am ready.