I was too tired to go to Meditation class tonight. I came home with soup and snuggled up on the sofa with my iPad. It’s hard for me to give in to my body needing to slow down but I know from past experience I really don’t have a choice but to listen up👂
As I sit here reflecting on the last time my body pulled the plug on my energy flow, I realized it’s not as bad now as it was three years ago. If I take good care of myself the next two weeks, especially this upcoming three day weekend, I’ll probably feel pretty good by the end of next week🙏
Three years ago it was so much worse. I really ran myself into the ground plus the Epstein Barr Virus reactivated in my body; it was like having Mono all over again. That was also when they diagnosed the Immunoglobulin deficiency which can also improve if I take care of myself properly. I remember my Doctor looking at me three years ago and saying “You need to REST & SLEEP! Cancel all of your plans for two weeks.” She gave me a note to take off of work for two weeks😂 She actually told me to go home and knock myself out with Xanax and stay in bed for at least the first three days😂 I did what she said but I only took a week off of work. I didn’t have much time because I had been sick a lot that year. I also didn’t exercise at all for six weeks after that and I ate mostly just rice, cereal, chicken, applesauce and soup for a month. It took a while to build back up. It’s definitely not that bad this time. I did lose my appetite about 10 days ago mostly because my body is tired and my nervous system is fried! I’m freaking out a bit because I’m tired. I am tired wired and it sucks! I need to calm things down for a bit.
I guess I’m just frustrated and annoyed. It’s making me think random thoughts like…Did you ever want to burn your life down to the ground? Just say, “Fuck it” and let everything you hold on tightly fall to ground. Have you ever thought about just walking away from everything; drop the keys by the door on your way out – Adios, see you later, I’m out. Did you ever want to walk out a door of your life saying that? Well, that’s how I’ve been feeling lately.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die😂 I just want the path I’m traveling on to be clear once in a while. I want my path to be a lush green meadow lined with blue rose bushes, never empty coffee cups, chocolate trees, meditation classes hosted by Deepak Chopra and Mr Blue Eyes giving me kisses and ice cream cones – and maybe, a light spanking as I walk by😂😂 Oh, and Ganesha would be my badass bouncer. Too much too ask?😂
Some days it seems the path I’ve ended up on feels like one dead end after another; like I’m driving at night on a long country road with no turns, exits or bathrooms in sight. Other times my life feels like it’s Groundhogs Day. Wait, I thought I already set the Universe straight on what was acceptable in my life. I’ve sacrificed a lot for my health. I expect my body to cooperate without issue. I told the Universal bigwigs where I thought I wanted to end up and who I thought would be a good traveling partner for me😘😉💋 So, I ask the ‘ole mighty Master of the Universe – what’s the hold up? Come on! Get it moving…Who do I have to fuck to get a little Universal Cooperation?
Oh well, back to my reality where nothing is how I want it to be. Linda has a frowny face ☹️ I’m going to meditate with Deepak Chopra now and hope he can calm some of this anxiety so I don’t tell the wrong person to fuck off😂
As for the weekend, I’m scheduled to volunteer at the Mission tomorrow night. I’ll have to see how I feel in the morning. Then there’s a barbecue I can skip and pool party I can sleep through😴😴 In any event, I suspect I’ll be “knocking” myself out again at some point this weekend😂 If you’re in the neighborhood, drop off Chicken Pho Soup with no white onions and a Ginger Ale, Thanks! 🍵🍽😂😂👍✌️
At least I can see the beach and the fireworks from my living room window😂👍
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved
Life Is Best When Lived Passionately
Photography: David Dubnitskiy