Inconvenient Heart

  
“She had a very inconvenient heart. It always insisted on feeling things ever so deeply.” เฅ – John Mark Green

I have a lot to say this evening. I’m choking on everything I have to say this evening. It’s just that I can’t get the words out of my chest. They are shoved so far down my throat from me holding them back that they are stuck in my chest. Please bare with me as I write this therapeutic post to give myself some freedom and breath.

I’m “sensitive” and extremely empathetic. I am a good psychic too – when I allow myself to be. I spend a lot of time shutting down energies, voices, vibes and intuitions to have some peace in my life. The noise gets to be too much. I am trying to learn how to use my intuition without getting overwhelmed by all the messages I receive. I know this all may sound strange. Some of you won’t understand. But, this is my reality.

I mention this today because I’m picking up someone with a heart so heavy I want to hug her when I am near her. I picking up someone who is so anxious I have anxiety attacks when I’m near her. I’m picking up strong masculine beautiful energy telling me he needs me more than he can say right now. But mostly, I’m picking up the energy of my sister, Sandy, who passed away 16 years ago.

Sandy is whispering in my ear, “you’re not done yet. Nope, you are not done. Go on. Get up. Come on. Get ready.” She’s pushing at my back and saying, “go, go.” She’s telling me more – more is coming. More is waiting for me. Beautiful things lie ahead for me. It’s confusing. As much as I love her presence, I trying to interpret the message she is delivering to me. Is it about my health, my love life, my career, my family? For now I suppose I’ll just enjoy her being here with me. But for tonight I told her to shut up and go haunt my Mother๐Ÿ‘ป I need some peace. I’m tired of working and trying so hard. I just need to be….be nothing for a few hours.

I had a good bit of frustration this week. I pretty much reached a breaking point and had to just get stuff off my chest. I didn’t get many answers. But today someone did pull me into a conference room for a follow up conversation that made me feel a little bit better about a professional frustration. I was very grateful for heartfelt conversation we had and now I see the bigger picture. I get it. I also decided to take advantage of some free coaching sessions with a career counselor. I thought talking with an objective third party would be helpful for someone who is goal oriented like me. If for no other reason to affirm I’m in the right place, doing the right work for the right reason. I believe in looking at all areas of my life with a critical eye. It’s time for me to do it professionally. Let me be clear. I’m not unhappy. I like where I work. I like the people I work for. I’m very fortunate and lucky to work where I work. But, I also feel it’s time to stop floating along and set a plan for a destination. Unfortunately, my need for immediately clarity doesn’t align well in my work environment. I hoping I’m not writing about the same frustration a year from now๐Ÿ˜„

Just because I wasn’t miserable enough this week…I got a surprise visitor. I was rather enjoying not having a period. But, on the flip side maybe the cysts are gone now. I had blood work on Wednesday and almost passed out. They told me to go home and lie down. I had to drink some straight up Coke because my blood sugar crashed. But the good news is the blood tests confirmed I am not Diabetic or even Pre-Diabetic. My Fasting Sugar & a1c are absolutely normal. However, my Glucose crashes into the low 50s 3-5 hours after meals. Therefore, I was diagnosed with Reactive Hypoglycemia. This means: when I eat, my body over-produces Insulin which crashes my blood sugar. Simple Carbs & high Sugar meals cause a greater increase in Insulin resulting a blood sugar crash. Treatment plan: eat or have a snack every 4 to 5 hours & limit simple carbs & sugar. It’s manageable & can be controlled with dietary changes. Reactive hypoglycemia and an increase of Insulin in my body is causing me to struggle to lose weight and is causing gynecological issues too. It’s causing ovarian cysts & missed periods. Crazy when you think of it. My doctor told me three to six months of sticking to the sugar restrictions should be enough time to stabilize my blood sugar. I should notice lots of positive results.

And just because I can’t end this post without an attempt to get some erotic poetry mojo back, MBE looked really cute today. As I was standing next to him looking at him straight in the eye, I thought to myself we look good together and we’re good for each other๐Ÿ˜‰โค๏ธ
(C) 2015 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved
Life is best when lived passionately
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Photo Credit:
Sageword Facebook Page

Music: Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd for Sandy

About The Awakened Healer

Awakening the healer within...
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