Slowing Down – A Journal Entry Post

Sorry for being so quiet on my Blog this week. It’s just that I’ve had a tough few weeks and I needed to just unplug. I’ve been writing in my journal with pen and paper this week instead of online.

Doctors orders were rest and sleep for a week. I’ve done my best to follow those orders. Actually I really had no choice because I’ve been exhausted.

The stress of the last three years of my life finally caught up to me. It was creeping up slowly but swallowed me whole the Friday of Memorial day weekend when I had an anaphylaxis reaction to Celebrex and was in the hospital again. Then I had a subsequent allergic reaction to Icy Hot. I am allergic to Aspirin. Celebrex is similar to aspirin and Icy Hot has Methyl Salicylates in it which is just like Aspirin. So anyone allergic to Aspirin should never use menthol products containing Methyl Salicylates.

Anyways the stress of both events pretty much left me a crying mess with, as my Doctor called it, Post Traumatic Stress. I couldn’t sleep for five days, I was confused, worried and couldn’t stop crying. My Doctor told me to go home take Xanax short-term and focus on rest and sleep for week – nothing else.

Well, I had tickets to see Joel Osteen in Heshey, PA on Friday night. My sister and I planned it months ago. I was very excited to see him. Even though I was exhausted  and a bit of a frayed knot, I still went.  My sister was good company.  She listened while I talked, cried some more and she just let me have whatever experience I needed.  There was no pressure.  She understood I needed an afternoon nap and was exhausted by the time Service was over and needed to go to bed.  I stopped at Mom’s house on the way to and from Hershey just to get a Mom Hug.  She was glad to see me and I was glad to hug her.  I came home late on Saturday. I jumped under the covers with some new reading materials and rested until bedtime.

Today is Sunday. Sundays are my favorite day of the week. It’s day I always feel the most relaxed.  I went back to Yoga this morning for the first time in three weeks.  Instead of pushing my super flexible body to it’s edge I held back. No aggression, no pressure. I kept things slow and easy.  I am a beach lover and the summer is my season. So, I went to the beach for about an hour.  That was enough. I am now baking Chicken as I write this blog.  Making Mashed Sweet Potatoes and roasted cauliflower, Broccoli and asparagus for dinner.  I also did my home physical therapy exercises.  Other than that just resting and watching the Phillies game. From what I was told it’s going to take some time for me to feel like my old self. I want to wake up tomorrow with all of this behind me and have things be normal. The worst allergy season ever isn’t helping me becuase I do have seasonal allergies too.

What I’ve learned through this is I have a tendency to push myself and my body.  But, all along my body was asking for rest.  I learned I need to stop pushing my body to its edge.  No more maxing my heart rate out while working out. No more excessive weight or aerobic training.  I’ll still walk five miles but I don’ t need to power walk four days a week. It’s just wearing me down.  Yoga is my sanity so I will do that almost every day. But, now I will be more gentle and not aggressive. I don’ t need to prove anything to myself. I won’t be taking vigorous Vinyasa for while.  I also know now that my body doesn’t like a lot of medicine so less is best.

For years I’ve resisted wearing a medical alert bracelet for my allergies and my congenital arrhythmia.  Doctor’s told me years ago to wear one.  I always thought it was a sign of weakness and wouldn’t wear one.  Well, I ordered one last week.  It’s a leather cuff with a dog tag.  Very fashionable.  I spent years resisting and pushing my body to be and do things it just couldn’t do.  And, now it’s time to accept that my body needs a slow pace and gentle movements.

I lost 75lbs a year ago and have had no problem keeping it off.  But because of the weight loss my body’s chemistry has changed dramatically.  So, I am just trying to calm down, relax and rest and give my body the time to adjust instead of pushing through it the way I always did.

It’s not easy of me to cry and be depressed. It’s not easy for me to admit I need help. And, it certainly wasn’t easy for me to have a Doctor say to me “you look confused, stressed and exhausted and you are verging on a breakdown”.  But, that is what happened and I am living through it.

I go back to work tomorrow and I go back to Physical Therapy tomorrow.  But, I will be approaching everything differently now and I will have no guilt admitting that I just can’t be strong all the time.

Admitting you are weak is a new strength for me.  God keeps forcing me to learn new lessons. I keep thinking I am done. But, he keeps raising that GOD damn bar on me.

As they say, That’s life.

Peace, Love & Happiness,
Linda

Photo Credit:

Gerson – Rest

 

Retreived From:

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Gerson_The_Rest.jpg

 

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Awakening the healer within...
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