Journal Entry Post – Got Faith?


People have reached out to me asking me what’s wrong. They could tell something was wrong. I guess I am transparent.  With that in mind, today I am writing about something that has been going on in my life in recent weeks. I waited until now to write about it because I needed some time to allow things to settle down. I had no control of what was happening and it was freaking me out. So, I need things to calm down a bit before I could write about it. Actually, I am glad I waited to write about it because my perspective today is different than it would have been a week ago.

About a month ago I started getting daily headaches. I wasn’t really very worried. I figured it was allergies, sinus or stress and just moved through them. Two weeks ago the minor daily headache turned from subtle pain to a constant migraine. Mother’s Day was the day it really started to worry me. The Monday after Mother’s Day I went to the Doctor who ordered several tests. On Tuesday Morning after my Doctor got some test results she called me and asked to go to the hospital to be evaluated as she was concerned by some of the results and felt I needed immediate medical attention. After giving me several medications to treat the headache I was still in pain. Based upon that and blood test results they admitted me.

I didn’t ask anyone to come to the ER with me. But, I was grateful when a friend of mine did come over and sat with me for a while. Thanks Debbie! While I was there I had a Spinal Tap and Brain MRI. As I have a Congenital Arrhythmia, they put me on a Telemetry Floor where I wore a heart monitor the whole time I was there. They also checked their EKG to one I carry in my purse to confirm there were no Rhythm Disturbances.

Late in the afternoon the Physician’s Assistant for a Neurologist came to my room and told me I had that my Spinal Tap and Brain MRI was both Normal but I had Trigeminal Neuralgia and prescribed Tegretol to me. I had to start the Tegretol once a day at night for three nights and go up to twice a day after that. In the meantime my GP gave prescriptions for an MRI and X-Ray of my Cervical Spine because she believed the headache were coming from my Cervicogenic meaning the muscles surrounding my Cervical Spine were in spasms and causing the headaches.

By the second day on Tegretol I was dizzy. I take my blood pressure and heart rate every day so I noticed my Heart rate was starting to creep up. My heart beats fine as long as I keep my heart rate low. Once my RESTING HEART RATE gets over 90, my heart skips beats and drops into a dangerous rhythm. On Sunday night I check my heart rate after taking the medicine and it was 100. Talk about wanting to hit the panic button. I was in no rush to put myself back in the hospital and I knew it was the medication. So, I decided to meditate and relax myself. But, the next morning I was feeling really strange. I used a coworker’s heart monitor and my blood pressure was 134/104 and my heart rate was 109. I believe I said “fuck” when I saw the result because I knew I had to go to the doctors. My doctor took me immediately and they put me on an EKG machine. My heart was fine. It wasn’t normal but it was my normal and that’s ok or as good as it’s gonna get. But, my doctor seemed angry and I asked why. She told me the PA for the Neurologist should have never prescribed the Tegretol to me because of my heart problem. It causes rhythm disturbances. If I would have gone up to the maximum dose, I could have died. She also told me I didn’t have Trigeminal Neuralgia. She showed me the Cervical Spine MRI results & X-Rays and talked me to about Degenerative Disc Disease of the Cervical Spine. She called a local Neurosurgeon and asked them to see me. She also called the Neurologist directly to discuss the medication that I was prescribed. Neither one of us could figure out how she could have prescribed me that considering my chart clearly says I have an Arrhythmia and I was on a Telemetry floor where I was wearing a heart monitor around my neck 24/7. How could she have missed it? Anyway, if I dwell on this too much I’ll just be angry and stressed. So, I am going to move on.

Since my appointment with my GP, I’ve had a Neuromuscular Massage that greatly helped my headache. I was given a prescription to get one of those a week for three weeks. I saw the Neurosurgeon and found out that my problem is a ten to fifteen year old injury that I honestly never knew I had. It finally reached a point that it needed treatment. I was prescribed Celebrex for month which has been helping and I was prescribed physical therapy three times a week four weeks. After physical therapy is over, I see the neurosurgeon again. If I am getting better, then we continue with the same program. But, if there is no improvement he said I will need surgery. Given my headache is subsiding and I am feeling the benefits of the massages and physical therapy already, I am confident I will not need surgery. I’ve programmed my mind that way. I’ll do whatever it takes to rehab my neck and be strong.

Thankfully, I can still do Yoga. I plan on going tonight and doing what I can do. I won’t be golfing this summer as I don’t have full range of motion in my neck. And, I won’t be carrying handbags or backpacks on my shoulder anymore.

I think I am over the stress and shock of the last two weeks and finally getting back to living. Honestly, I am rightfully a little pissed off at my body and God for giving me another thing to deal with. And, I am very pissed at the Doctor who perscribed me that horrible drug that could have killed me. The last two years have been rough. A friend sent me a text this morning that said “You’re my hero and inspiration. Luv Ya”. Another friend called me a Tough Cookie? My Mother said she saw me crack for the first time in the last two years the day my heart rate was 109 and was proud of me. Hmm? Well, I think you never know what you can handle until you have to handle it. I am not looking to be anyone’s hero, inspiration or motivation. I am just trying to be healthy, find peace, be happy and enjoy life. But, if my experiences give others hope and offer them some inspiration, then I suppose something good is coming from it.

The day my sister was buried someone said something to me that I never forgot. A woman I didn’t even really know whispered in my ear, “God never promised you it would be easy. He only promised you he would be there to see you through it. Rest your worries on his shoulder. Find peace in his words. Let him help you through this. Have faith you will rise above and triumph once again.” It’s with renewed faith in my God that I hope every person who reads this knows it’s only by my faith in God that I manage to stay calm. It’s in him I find strength. But, I’ll be honest. I went to a local church that is open 24 hours day and gave him a big piece of my mind the other night. I think I even threatened to kick his ass if anything else happened to me in the next six months. I need a break for God’s Sake. lol:-)

I don’t know where this crazy body of mine is taking me next. But, I know wherever it is God is with me.

Have a wonderful safe Memorial Day Weekend.
Peace, Love & Happiness
Linda

About Love, Sex And Poetry

In my poems and essays I explorer all facets of love including romantic love, love of self, love of life, love of family and love of writing. My posts also explore sensuality and sexuality. Some of my writings are considered Erotica and written out of love. I like to pair all of my poetry on my site with Artwork. Life is best when lived passionately.
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5 Responses to Journal Entry Post – Got Faith?

  1. TemptingSweets99 says:

    Wow! What an experience! Glad you’ve survived it to write about it. Most especially, glad to know you’re feeling much better. Yes, God is with you and will continue to be with you. Always. Have a good weekend. xox

  2. Patti says:

    Linda,
    Sorry to hear of all you have been going through. You are right; this should keep you in the clear for at least six months!! I agree, you are one tough cookie! Thinking of you! Patti

  3. Pingback: Slowing Down – A Journal Entry Post | Linda Long Writes!

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