Love Trajectory ~ Love, Sex And Poetry

Love Trajectory ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

The trajectory
That brought you
Into my heart
Started slowly
Almost without notice
If I was not observant
I may not have noticed
You looking at me
Once I saw you
The air around me
Shifted a bit
Whenever you
Would be near me
I felt a slight hiccup while
I tried to catch my breathe
When you passed me
I took
A momentary pause
Before I spoke
To slow down
My raising heart
I quietly composed myself
To hide
The blush of my cheeks
As my nipples would harden
With the surge
Of wetness between my legs
Anytime you looked at me
When your beautiful eyes
Met mine
The spark
Woke me up
To desire again
My wetness begged
For your touch
Your energy would
Circle around me
As I mended
A broken heart and
Regain strength
In my broken body
You were there
Around me
While I rebuilt my life
And restored my confidence
You were there
With each small step
I took back to being me
I enjoyed your attention
But never claimed it
As my own
Until like a rocket
I felt it
I felt you move through
My points of arousal
Intersecting my passion
Igniting my vision
Everything changed
We stood still in time
Treading water
Waiting for the shift
Until now
Movement is happening again
Your growth
Pulls me out of complacency
Your passion
Sparks my own imagination
Of what I can be
Of what we can be
Of what we will be
As I take stock
Of the impact
You have on my world
I can say with absolutely certainty
My world is better
Because you have been in it
And I hope
The future is meant for us
I hope
We are meant
To forge new
Ground together
I hope
We stay entwined
Through your growth
And challenges
With joy, love and acceptance
I acknowledge
You are one of the
Best things
That has ever happened to me
Your stability
Helped a free spirited
Untrusting nonconformist
Find some comfort
In a mundane world
Your fire
Pulled me up
And forced me
To rise up emotionally
And heal
The wounds of the past
Your beautiful blue eyes
Set my words
On fire into poetry
As I write this
I don’t really know
What my experience
Looks like without you
I hope I never have to know
My life without you
But I’ve grown too
With the strength
Of woman
Yet the passion
Of a young girl
I hold my hopes
For us lightly
With enough freedom
For you to express yourself
And enough
And faith that
I know
I am better because
You are in my life
As we enter
A new phase
Of movement
And growth
I let you go
With one hand
While I hold you tightly
With the other
Your joy and enthusiasm
For a new challenge
Light the fire
In my heart
And kindle my own
Desires for more
Than what I am today
It is with deep admiration
I will follow
Your lead
Into the unknown
With faith
What is meant to be
For us
Will be
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately


It seemed like I was writing this poem all day long in my head as he moved happily around me❤️😄I’d smile every time I saw the bounce in his step and heard the passion in his voice.   ❤️❤️❤️

My favorite quote EVER is from Marianne Williamson’s book “Return To Love”.

There is no passion in playing small – in living a life less than the one you are capable of living.  Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

Phone Sex ~ Love, Sex And Poetry

Phone Sex ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

My blue eyed lover
I can’t sleep tonight
May I ask you
To indulge my fantasies
And help me
Satiate the
Craving between my legs
For your attention
May I request
You lay back
And allow your thoughts
To drift
With slow intention
Into my world
Where our words
Ignite the flame
Of our joint desire
And floats across
My nipples
Down my cleavage
Into the
Soft wet place
Between my legs
That begs
For your voice
To move my fingers
Into the climax
Raising my hips
To your commands
My kindred spirit
Release your senses
Into my command
Allow me to satisfy
Your needs
And lead you
Into my fantasy world
Let me hear you
Release the tension
In your hips
With my voice
As I offer you
The most erotic
Part of my mind
For your indulgence
My dear
Blue eyed lover
Escape with me
Hide with me
The blanket
Of our love
Speak your fantasies
To me
One night
One orgasm
At time
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Under You ~ Love, Sex And Poetry

Under You ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Say my name
I need you
To say my name
While you look
Me in the eyes
And penetrate
Into my soul
I need to hear
Your command
Of my essence
As you
Hold my arms
Down on the bed
And remind me
I belong
Under you
I belong
Under you
With my legs spread
Wide open
My arms
Wrapped around your neck
As my eyes
Speak the desire
You hear
In the moan
Of my sighs
Begging you
To push further
Into my world
I belong
Under you
Pulling you
Into the hot wet
Comfort between
My thighs
Holding your ass
Pushing you
Into my world
I belong
Under you

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

I Shine ~ Love, Sex And Poetry

I Shine ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Not by
The touch of your hand
I feel
The power
Of your energy
In my world
You are deeper
Than the surface
Of my skin
Penetrating to
The core
Of who I am
Who I was
Who I strive
To be
Not by
The kiss
Of your lips
Do I feel
Your warmth
Nourish my spirit
And reassure me
That I am
In the right place
At the right time
With the right person
Not by
Your manhood
Entering me
Do I feel
Your passion
Fill me
With the heat
Of your love
Do I feel the comfort
Of your affection
Somewhere between
Your heart and mine
Are the strings
That bind us together
Reflecting love
From my eyes
To yours
I touch you
Without words
Yet more profoundly
Than any other
You know
My love
Is yours to keep
If not by
The touch of my hand
Than by the
Shine of light in my eyes
When you are near me
I shine

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Rising To Life’s Challenges

This has been a challenging weekend so far and it’s only 5:30am on Sunday morning. I felt pretty good Friday. My stomach was cooperative and I slept pretty good. I was hopeful to have a normal Saturday.

When I work up on Saturday morning, I noticed a slight headache over my right eye. As a lifelong migraine sufferer, I was familiar with the pain. I knew if I didn’t catch it, I could be in a lot of pain later in the day. I took medicine, ate a decent breakfast, had some caffeine, hydrated, walked three miles and went food shopping. A slight headache was still lingering and my belly was feeling full and bloated even though I didn’t eat a lot.

As I was driving home from the grocery store my former roommate called me to ask if I knew if my old friend, Nancy, passed away. She saw something on Facebook. I immediate felt my stomach start churning;my head and heart both started pounding. When I got home, I got in touch with a friend and Nancy’s family. She died Friday night from complications from Stage IV Bile Duct Cancer that already spread to her Liver. I knew she had Cancer. It’s actually a reoccurrence. She had Lung Cancer the first time about five years ago. The truth is had no idea she was that sick and struggling. I had no idea. She didn’t post much on Facebook. Admittedly, I don’t read as much on Facebook as I used to. It stresses me out seeing so much information. I limit my Facebook time and activities. I guess I missed it. With me not really keeping in touch with the group of friends Nancy and moved in, I just didn’t know. It bothered me, it upset me I didn’t know. I would have reached out to her. I would have helped her. I heard she had financial problems because she couldn’t work. If I knew, I would have helped her🙏😢

Nancy and I socialized in a group of friends from about 2000 to about 2011 which was when I stopped drinking and bar hopping. One of our close friends died from complications with Crohn’s Disease in 2007. Nancy and I were always fond of each other; our lives just moved in different directions. She even called me last summer about maybe renting in my building. We held no hard feelings; we were just making different choices. I loved her as friend. She was sweet, happy, kind and it just makes me sick Cancer took another close friend.

The news of Nancy’s death also stressed me out because I’ve been having my own health challenges the last month. I just had an Upper a Endoscopy on Thursday where the doctor took four biopsies of my stomach. While I feel pretty sure, I don’t have stomach Cancer, this shook me up and made my mind go to dark place. By 5:00pm, my head was killing me, I was throwing up the little bit of food and water I had on Saturday morning. I just kept thinking of Nancy and worrying about why my stomach is so fucked up.

When the doctor talked to me after my procedure on Thursday, he said he saw irregularities and could see why I wasn’t feeling well but also said he didn’t think it was “serious”. He told me he did the biopsies precautionary and to look for bacteria that could be causing my problem. He told me he would give me treatment plan in my follow up appointment and that I should continue taking the two meds he gave me until the appointment. I still feel pretty confident I do not have Cancer as there is none in my family. It’s just the news about Nancy freaked me out as I am waiting on biopsy results myself.

The last time my stomach was this bad was five years ago. That’s when and why I stopped drinking alcohol, stopped smoking and gave up Gluten. My belly has been stabilized for three years. That’s why I don’t really understand what happened to set this off. That’s why it stresses me out bit. I felt good for three years. I even put back on some weight because I was enjoying food so much 😂😂 I am dropping weight again. While I’m excited I will soon be able to fit into my favorite skinny jeans from 2013 again, every time I step on the scale I am reminded I’m losing the weight because I’m sick again.

I suppose the good thing that came out of it, it made me check-in and reconnect with old friends. My former roommate and I gave each other some good support on Saturday. I also realized over the last week there is really no reason for me to move in January unless the landlord ends the lease. My little shopping cart makes bringing my groceries up to the 7th floor from the parking lot easier. I can even deal with going downstairs to do laundry as long as I go during off-hours. Most importantly, the employees in my building have been so sweet, thoughtful and helpful to me throughout this last month. They even told me I’m one of their favorite residents because I’m sweet, nice, respectful, polite and a good tipper😂👍All I have to do is call the front desk if I need someone❤️

The migraine broke around 4:00am after I took a Tylenol 3 and drank a cup of full caffeine black coffee. I combined the pill with the caffeine which seemed to work. I was able to eat cereal and soy milk around 5:00am. The caffeine has me wide awake so I am writing this all out. I imagine I probably will be going back to bed and taking it easy the rest of the day. If you are reading this blog, please consider holding me in your prayers. It’s been a challenging month. While I’m hanging in there, it’s harder some days than others. Also, I’m waiting on biopsy results. I am praying for the simple bacteria my Doctor mentioned. That would be easy to fix🙏

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

I Want You More ~ Love, Sex And Poetry

I Want You More
By: Linda A. Long

My fingers
In your hair
As I watch you
Kiss me
Between my legs
Wetting me
Soaking me
With lust for you
With each lick
I want you more
Than I’ve ever
Wanted anyone
I want you more
It’s in the depth
Of our connection
That I release
All of my inhibitions
To my love
For you
My legs
As the path
You must travel
To reach
The center
Of my world
Touching the
Core of my soul
With the tip
Of your body
Submerge yourself
Inside my walls
Allowing myself
To receive your love
While letting you in
All the way
Inside of me
I love you
I whisper
I love
I want you more
Trusting you
The man
I’ve grown
To love
And finally
Finding peace
In the reassurance
Of your beautiful
Blue eyes
I want you more
Blue Eyes
I want more
Your heart strings
Are wrapped around
My waist
And pull
Me deeper
Into your soul
I leave my words
As a trail
For you to follow
As you choose love
Move your body
Slowly into mine
It’s in the depths
Of our connection
You will find me
And waiting
For your return
I want you more
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Healed  ~ Love, Sex And Poetry

Healed ~ Love, Sex And Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

The times
You are away
From me
Feel longer now
As I’ve grown
Attached to your
Reassuring energy
Circling around me
You are no longer
A flirtation
You are now
A part of my life
I need you
As much as I need
Air, water, food
Does it scare you
To know
You sustain me
It’s wasn’t easy
For me to open
Myself up
To allow you in
But I think
We both realized
Last week
I’ve grown
In spite
Of my recent challenges
I’ve grown
Through my anxiety
I broke through
My fear
I finally
Opened up
To you
And let you in
If you needed proof
Of my trust in you
If you needed
Of my faith
In you
Please know
You are one
Of a handful of people
I truly allow
To see me
I allow you to see me
I see love
Reflecting back to me
In your eyes
I know
I am safe
With you
I will continue
To remove
The barriers
Between your soul
And mine
I know
It’s through you
I am now free
It’s with you
I am breaking down
The walls
In my heart
It’s near you
I find peace
It’s for you
My heart
Has opened
To love
It is with you
I am healed

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Allowing People In ~ A Lesson In Healing 

Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment ~ Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

I am doing the 21 day Chopra Free Meditation🙏 Day four was especially powerful for me. Oprah referenced the above quote from Eckhart Tolle in her introduction. I had to listen to it for a few times because it moved me to tears.

The last few weeks have been a little rough on not only my body but also my emotional and mental well-being. It is taking me a bit longer to return to my happy energetic normal self after the relapse I had with EBV. Physically, my body is still working some issues out. My stomach has been causing me some distress and sleepless nights. I was in the ER yesterday for excoriating stomach pain in and around my left breast. I was happy to learn my heart is strong and this relapse hadn’t had any affect on it. The Doctor gave me GI cocktail of three GI drugs and Moraphine which helped relax my tummy. They also sent me home with Carafate and Tylenol 3 which are indeed giving me relief. They decided not to admit me for GI testing because my GI doc is considered one of the best in the area and doesn’t go to that hospital. It’s best I call him on Monday and schedule an appointment for a scope. The ER doc felt it could be an ulcer, gastritis or good old fashion acid reflux. I’m taking it easy today and should be fine for work tomorrow.

I mention my ER trip in this post not for sympathy but to give context to the extent this relapse is affecting me. As I was in the hospital bed, I thought of Eckart Tolle’s quote and it actually gave me peace and hope. Perhaps my niece and her fiancé staying with me since Thursday and taking me to the ER was a turning point. Maybe it’s what I needed to happen to break this cycle and change the energetic flow. Maybe once again I needed to surrender.

I changed my MO a bit this past week. I asked for and accepted help. I told people I loved the emotional impact this relapse is having on me. I even called my therapist for an Emergecy session Wednesday afternoon during lunch. Her exact words were, “It’s too much. It’s all too much. Of course, you need help getting through this. The question is Linda…Will you be honest enough with yourself to allow those who love you in? Will you let those who love and care for you take care of you? Will you accept and allow instead of doing it on your own. Will you allow it?”

I thought a lot about that question. Will I allow those who love and care for me to help me? I was holding back from my BFF and not sharing everything because she has metastatic cancer and will need chemo once a month for the rest of her life. I didn’t want to tell her because I didn’t want to seem like a baby or drama queen. I finally told her EVERYTHING on Wednesday night. Her words, advice, wisdom and love were also especially thought provoking. She told me to stop being so hard on myself and that lots of people I know would have cracked under this pressure long ago. I realized during our conversation that I’ve been trying handle it all myself because I was embarrassed. Almost as if I feel guilty and like I did something wrong by allowing thus happen. Karen said, “It’s the body you have. You have a chronic illness which most of the time is controlled but once in a while it kicks your ass. Anyone in your life should be willing to love and support you instead of judging you. If they judge you or can’t handle it, they don’t belong in your life.” I will carry her wisdom in my heart and use it was fuel as I heal.

My niece and her fiancé where staying in Cape May for the week. She called to see if they could stay with me Thursday to Sunday. They said they have a comfy air mattress. 😂 At first I was resistant but I remember what my Therapist said and gave in. It was actually really nice having them here. They spent most of the time hanging out with Aunt Linda. They didn’t even go out or hit the casinos. We were pretty low key and sat by my pool, talked a lot, watched movies and they went food shopping with me so I didn’t even have to carry my bags in😂 I eventually let them take me to the hospital. I am glad I went. The meds are definitely giving me relief and I’m quite relaxed. Nik & Ryan went home after breakfast today but I’m thankful for the love and support they gave me.

The truth was I was embarrassed to admit this relapse had a hold on me and it’s going to take time to heal. I didn’t want a special someone to know my body freaks out like this sometimes because I was afraid he wouldn’t want someone with these issues. I didn’t want to tell my family because they worry. I didn’t want my BFF to know because she has her own battle to fight. I didn’t even want my therapist to know because I felt like a failure. I see now my thinking on all counts was slanted and irrational. I will allow love, help and support from those who offer it. I will practice receiving and open myself up to the notion that perhaps my soul needs to experience these things for its evolution.

I’m sharing my deeply personal thoughts and feeling today just in case someone is up in the middle of night looking for something to hang onto during a rough night. Perhaps their soul also needs the experience to evolve and maybe just maybe reading about my journey will help them see they are not a failure, their illness is not their fault and those who love and care for them want to help them too.

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Meditation Is Not Group Therapy 

I meditate regularly. I’m not good at it. My mind offers a lot of chatter. Sometimes my mind is too active for me to sit longer than five minutes. But I do it anyway. I sometimes find myself wandering down the grocery isle while I am supposed to be finding inner peace in full lotus in my living room.

When I meditate at home, I use mantras. My two favorite mantras are “Guru Guru Wahe Guru Guru Ram Das Guru”. I say this mantra for self healing and peace. The other mantra I use is “Om Gum Ganapatayai Namaha”. This is a mantra to Ganesha, the remover of obstacles. When my mind starts to wander, I return myself to reciting the mantra. A few years ago. Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey started offering a free 21 day meditation series a few times a year. I’ve participated in them and also bought three of the series for my home use. What I like about it is, they are all 20 minutes, they include a new mantra, intentions and a message for reflections.

So, no. I can not turn off my thoughts. I would argue most people can’t even when they meditation like a pro. I would also argue if you preserver with the “monkey mind”, you can find moments, minutes actually, of pure peace with absolutely no thoughts.

Over a year ago I started participating in a group meditation class which is lead by a friend who is a yoga teacher. Absolutely adore her and love her gentle and restorative offerings. She offers a meditation class in six week series a few times a year. I enjoyed the first three series. However, I did not enjoy the last series which just ended at the end of June very much. One of the reasons I didn’t enjoy it is because our leader started introducing a lot of sharing and “co-listening” to our meditation practice. My hour of meditation was a lot like group therapy or sisterhood bonding. If you know me well, you know this type of group activity would not be comfortable for me. The other reason it was not comfortable for me is because I am highly intuitive, empathetic and sensitive. I’ve already had to learn how to block the emotions of other folks out so I don’t absorb too much. I am also very careful who I choose to “listen” to. In retrospect, these nights of “group therapy” were very emotional and stressful for me and contributed to me feeling burnt out.

While I’m feeling stronger and rested, I’m still feeling a good bit of anxiety about all the crazy stuff that happened in my body. I am working to dial things down. I am not going to sign up for the next group meditation class and instead focus on my own healing and home practice instead. I’ll be glad when this stressful rough patch is behind me.

On a related note, I smudged my home with prayers and sage the other night to try clean the air a bit. A friend recommended I see if I could get a Buddhist Monk to bless my body and my home. I contacted a monastery in Shamong, NJ, The President texted me today. They are looking for a monk to come down to me for the blessing. If not, I can go up to them for some real deep meditation work. You know I mean business when I am calling in the Monks😂😂 Feel free to send me any tips for anxiety and stress management👍🙏 Or just make me laugh. I need to laugh.

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

No, I’m not tense. My Jaw is just locked:-)

I’m feeling better and stronger everyday. I went to a specialist on Friday who said I actually appeared to have detox symptoms. He thinks that’s what was draining me and causing an EBV relapse. Putting my mental and spiritual exhaustion aside, we talked about things that could potentially cause my symptoms: reaction to a drug, heavy metals, toxic chemicals or exposure to a chemical I’m allergic to or toxic level of a vitamin or mineral in my blood. He also checked me for some other less common illnesses that can cause my issue.

Today was the first day I felt completely rested when I woke up at 7:30am. Every other day I woke up until 11am, 12pm or even 1pm and still did not feel well or rested. I also noticed today I don’t have any belly pain, I’m not sweating and my bowels have calmed down. If I was detoxing something, I think the worst is over.

I’m hoping we determine what it was with my blood work because otherwise how will I know what to avoid? A few things come to mind: The HVAC unit in the bedroom of my rented condo is on its last leg. They can’t replace it until the season is over because they would have to turn the chiller for the whole building off. They sprayed the coils with a solvent that stunk and made my condo smell like chemicals for days. Also, my GP told me to take an Iron supplement for a month. Maybe it was too much. Next, I love Sushi. Tuna is high in Mercury. I try to be careful how much I eat. I normally eat Salmon. Lastly, water – this is unlikely in my area but I’ll be drinking bottled water only going forward and bringing my own coffee to work instead of drinking coffee made with the water at the plant at work. Right now, I’ll have to wait and see what the blood work says. I am happy worst appears to be over.

In addition to my detox symptoms, I developed what I thought was a toothache in recent days. I went to the Dentist today. He said my teeth are good and healthy but my Temporomandibular Joint on the left side was swollen and seemed to be in a spasm. I remembered tripping and hitting the bottom of my chin about a week or so ago. It didn’t hurt at that time but he said I could have had some swelling in there. With being allergic to NSAIDS, I can’t take Advil or Motrin. So I have to use an ice pack three times a day and do some stretching exercises. Let’s be honest, I probably have been tensing up lately too from stress.

I left the Dentists office and immediately drove to a local day spa and asked for a 30 minutes shoulder and neck massage😂 It worked out even better than I thought it would. A fantastic little Asian woman did 60 minutes and charged me only for 30 minutes because she said I was so tight and needed it😂 I tipped her pretty heavy👍She did a mix of Deep Tissue, Cranial and Swedish Massage with some Reflexology on my feet. She was standing on the soles of my feet at one point😂😂She also gave me some stretches for my shoulders. It was one of the the BEST massages I have ever had and I’ve had A LOT of massages over the year. I will be going back to her.

In light of my recent physical breakdown, I’m evaluating all aspects of my life to determine where I can take better care of myself going forward. I think my body holds tension and stress. While I do yoga, pray, say mantras, meditate and exercise, it’s not getting the tension out of my shoulders and upper back. I see the Chiropractor once a month. I think I may need to get at least a 30 minute upper back and shoulder massage every six weeks so it doesn’t build up. I also need to do self massage with a foam roller and tennis ball most days. Lastly, I need to focus on maintaining good posture. My posture has been poor lately as I’ve been resting, laying around and on the sofa a lot.

So now I am tired and relaxed from the massage. My jaw is quite sore from the exercises and the first round of ice; hopefully, that improves each day. Tomorrow I’ll need to go food shopping and get my act together to go back to work on Wednesday.

That’s the scoop here. I may have stressed myself out and locked up my jaw but I am also proud of myself. I surrendered and let my body have the time it needed to rest and heal. Whatever I was detoxing seems to have cleared👍 I’m feeling almost normal and looking forward to starting the new 21 day free meditation series from Chopra Meditation later tonight

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Adornment ~ Love, Sex and Poetry

Adornment ~ Love, Sex and Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Gently into my
You stand
As my king
The holder
Of my crown
And catalyst
For my erotic expression
My breasts bejeweled
By the crystal
Of my your eyes
With my nipples
Erect and shimmering
As precious metals
With the juice
From your lips
I stand
A queen
Adorned with
The fruits
Of your desires
My body
Cloaked majestically
With the lust
From you to me
As if
I summoned you
With my thoughts
You interrupt
My day
To claim
Your space
In my head
Commanding me
To remember
I am yours
I here
You belong
With me
My hips rise
In acceptance
Of your instructions
To submit myself
Into your hands
And trust the visions
My body thrusts
Into willing erotic
As one orgasm
Follows the next
As I submit
To the stirring
My lustful energies
Coming from
Your hips
Sharing your
Desires into my mind
We transcend
Our physical bodies
Into the depth
Of love and affection
We have
For each other
This space
Where our thoughts
Join as one
We unify
And friends
As I am draped
In the adornment
Of your affection
I am adorned
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Note: I’ve been writing more blog entries than poetry. I am happy some poetic words started flowing again ❤️💋🔥😈

Art: Agape Charmani-In Shim – Korean Artist Scuplture

Acceptance & Surrender(Living With Chronic Illnesses)

Um, yeah. I’m more stubborn than I care to admit. If you try to push me, be damn well sure I’ll dig my heels in😂 I am thankfully strong willed. I survived a lot of tragedy, heartache, bullshit and health issues because I have a strong will. I’m independent, self-sufficient and self aware. I can take care of myself. I’m intuitive, spiritual and conscious of the world inside of me and around me. I understand more than you think. I read your body language and listen for the tone of your voice. I “sense” the world around me. Guess what? All of these wonderful strengths I have, at times, are also my weaknesses.

Deep shit, right? How can all of those wonderful qualities be weaknesses? When I am too stubborn to listen to body when it tells me it needs deep long rest. Stubbornness is a weakness. When I force myself and push myself through fatigue and illness and put others before myself, being strong willed is a weakness. When I am too independent and self-sufficient to ask for help or admit to anyone who loves me that I am not well, my independence and self-sufficiency is a weakness. When I “sense” so much from those around me and absorb the emotions of others to point I can’t hear my own inner guidance and intuition, being intuitive and a “feeler” is a weakness.

It’s not pretty when someone like me has to surrender. Nope, not pretty at all😂 But once it happened, once I truly stopped and let it all go, I felt a release. Almost like I was hanging onto to the edge of cliff when my fingers broke under the pressure and instead of falling to the ground, I was suspended in mid-air. Just drifting along in the air. I was no better or worse, just lighter. My eyes were finally able to close and my body finally relented into surrender.

Healing in any fashion can only occur in complete acceptance and surrender. The more you fight it and resist the further you slip and only compound the problem. How does one surrender when one is used to holding onto to stuff with white knuckles? 🤔😂 I guess it’s different for everyone. For me, the act of surrendering to the Epstein Barr Virus and allowing my body the deep rest involved a lot of drama😂 Also involved a lot of struggling, some crying, misinterpretations, miscommunications, sleepless nights, no appetite and walking around in a raw emotional tired state until the dam broke. No joke, I only conceded out sheer exhaustion😂😴😴😴😴💤💤💤💤Nope, it wasn’t pretty at all. 😂

While in this place of deep rest, I’m also trying to learn a little something about myself, EBV and how to better handle my life going forward. The first thing I need to do is allow my body all the rest it needs without judgement. If my body needs me to spend two days in bed reading books on my Kindle and watching Netflix once a month, it is what it is. I also need to be honest with those I love especially when I am feeling drained. I need to communicate my “burn rate” in work better to my bosses so I don’t burn out. I need to live in truth🙏

The reality is I’m getting older. Every health issue I’ve had in the last five years can be traced to an Epstein Barr Virus relapse. This isn’t going away. Therefore, I need to learn how to manage it better without taking 20 vitamins a day or using herbs because they can be harmful to the Liver too. My doctor told me yesterday that I certainly take all of that stuff to support my recovery and to help make me stronger but at the end of the day it’s all about rest, deep rest. The only things that can put EBV back into dormancy is deep rest and quality sleep. For maintenance, getting enough rest, sleep, managing stress appropriately and committing to setting appropriate boundaries on demands for my time and energy. Against all of my natural instinct, I’ve reached acceptance that every once in while I have to let the balls drop…let it all drop🙏

On a lighter note, my Mom and I “fight” alot but we are also very close & good friends. Fighting is just what we do because we piss each other off a lot😂😂 It’s all good; no grudges are held. In recent years, we’ve been arguing about her cleaning skills in her house or should I say, lack thereof. I shouldn’t have to clean every time I visit😡 I even offered to pay for a cleaning lady. My Mom had Cataracts surgery on both of her eyes in recent weeks. She called today and says, “Linda! Honey! I’m sorry! I’m seeing things I never saw before! That bathroom is flilthy and don’t even get me started on the fridge. I cleaned both and asked Nikki(my niece) to come help me finish this weekend. I’m sorry!” 😂😂😂😂😂😂 God, that made me laugh😂😂😂 Fresh eyes helped her see what she couldn’t see 🙏 #hallelujah #amen #thankyouGod

Have you had to surrender in your life? Was it pretty? Have you reached acceptance with your limitations? Do you know how to rest?

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately


I tried. I tried to hold it together as I felt it coming apart. I tried. I put the needs of others before my own. I tried. I thought a day or two in bed with my iPad and Netflix would be enough for me to restore myself. It wasn’t. At 11am this morning after sleeping deeply, I still struggled to get out of bed. I had to force myself to eat eggs(I’ve been sticking with Protein Shakes and Soup lately). It was in that moment I realized I had to surrender. Struggling, pushing myself and “trying” weren’t helping me. And that is when I accepted that I had to just let it all drop, let everything go.

I haven’t been sharing a lot of the details. I guess I’ve been trying to seem like I’m strong. But I called my Mom, Sister & BFF today and told them I’m struggling. Each one of them has been through this with me before. This one came up quicker than in the past. Allergies, antibotics, steroids, a low functioning Immune System and stress in just about every aspect of my life created a perfect storm. My body broke from the pressure. Some of the pressure was self-imposed, some was out of expectation, some was me not setting proper boundaries in my personal and professional life and some was just mismanagement of resources.

As my energy level started to circle the drain, I became frustrated but I also withdrew. Note to anyone who cares about me, that’s my MO. Sometimes I do it without realizing. I was also resisting my body’s need to slow down. All I heard was walk five miles, check email, take care of Mom, spend time with BFF before chemo, keep all the balls in the air for everyone – but myself.

This is usually how these physical breakdowns happen. Things build up. I get stressed out. I withdrawal. I push myself to appear like nothing is wrong. Physically I start getting sick. Sometimes it’s illness that starts the cycle off. Then I lose my appeite. Start not sleeping. I stay wired tired until I crash which usually reactivates the Epstein Barr Virus and then I’m fucked.

My Mom told me she was surprised because I seemed to be taking care of myself. I thought so too. My BFF who has Cancer and just had Chemo told me to let it all drop – let everything drop. She told she gets through her bad days after Chemo by reminding herself each day she will feel little better. She told me each day I will be a little stronger but for now I had to just STOP. She also said she felt this time around stress got the better of me and reminded me my body needs more rest than most.

While I’m by no means close to feeling well, I am starting to feel rested and I am not sleeping as much. Three days in bed sleeping and watching “House of Cards” & OITNB. By the way,I loved the ending Season 4 HoC. I love when Frank & Claire are a badass team and I was shocked by the ending of Season 4 OITNB. I liked Washington.

In my last post I wrote about me asking my angelic guardians for a sign about work and I interpretted my convo on Friday as my sign. After like 25 hours of sleep and having the anxiety/stress dial down a notch, I am thinking clearly. The work issue is complex. I will not let my emotions trigger any rash decision. However, I do believe I need to protect myself a little because my tendency is to be a “giver” – a giver until it hurts me. I also need direct clarity so there aren’t any miscommunications or room for interpretation which I feel caused part of the problem in Friday’s convo.

I am writing most of this out tonight as a reminder to myself. I need to remember how I got to this place of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion. I need to remember to hold myself back and take how ever much rest my body needs without judging myself. I also need to learn how to say no.

I go to the Immunologist on Wednesday. I wont be surprised if he suggest I stay out of work until next week. I look pretty bad.
Well, I am now trying to watch AC’s fireworks from my Living Room window which has rain hitting it. Puts kind of a damper on the show.

Please pardon any typos in this post. I am too tired to proof it again. I’ll try to fix them tomorrow.

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Signs Or Just Bad Timing

I am physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted😴😴 I was going to call out sick from work because it was extremely difficult to get out of bed this morning. I pushed myself and went it. After a stressful a conversation this morning, I feel I have another “situation” to worry about and wonder if I belong there at all. Staying home may not have avoided the issue but at least I would have been stronger and less emotional when it came up next week.

The reason the topic affected me so much was because I prayed to my sister and angelic guardians for a sign about work. Mostly, I asked if it was time for me let go of the hopes I had, both personal and professional, and open myself to something or someone new. As the other person spoke to me, I remembered I asked for a sign. I guess because I am not feeling well, not sleeping or eating much and I am wired tired, I interpreted the conversation I had today as my sign. If that’s the case, I will work to acceptance and move on. If it wasn’t my sign to move on, it was exceptionally poor timing on the part of the Universe😂😂😂💪💪 Don’t hit someone when you know they are already struggling, especially because it could have waited until next week. That’s the way life happens all at once or nothing at all. I just don’t know anymore.

I left work at Noon and stopped at the Pho store to get Chicken Broth. I used the Ladies Room. I took the photo on this post in the Ladies Room. It was painted on the wall. My eyes welled up with tears as I saw it. Another sign…If this is the end, it is also a new beginning for me. I am too tired to think about the complexities of that statement right now. I also still need some at clarity on the issue before I make assumptions.

I just sipped a mug of broth and drank some Ginger Ale. That’s my diet lately. Feel free to drop some off if you are near by😂I took my fist full of vitamins and now I am resting until I knock myself until tomorrow to finally get some deep sleep this weekend. I will pray for my highest good and for the highest good for others affected.

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Path Lined With Kisses & Ice Cream Cones

I was too tired to go to Meditation class tonight. I came home with soup and snuggled up on the sofa with my iPad. It’s hard for me to give in to my body needing to slow down but I know from past experience I really don’t have a choice but to listen up👂

As I sit here reflecting on the last time my body pulled the plug on my energy flow, I realized it’s not as bad now as it was three years ago. If I take good care of myself the next two weeks, especially this upcoming three day weekend, I’ll probably feel pretty good by the end of next week🙏

Three years ago it was so much worse. I really ran myself into the ground plus the Epstein Barr Virus reactivated in my body; it was like having Mono all over again. That was also when they diagnosed the Immunoglobulin deficiency which can also improve if I take care of myself properly. I remember my Doctor looking at me three years ago and saying “You need to REST & SLEEP! Cancel all of your plans for two weeks.” She gave me a note to take off of work for two weeks😂 She actually told me to go home and knock myself out with Xanax and stay in bed for at least the first three days😂 I did what she said but I only took a week off of work. I didn’t have much time because I had been sick a lot that year. I also didn’t exercise at all for six weeks after that and I ate mostly just rice, cereal, chicken, applesauce and soup for a month. It took a while to build back up. It’s definitely not that bad this time. I did lose my appetite about 10 days ago mostly because my body is tired and my nervous system is fried! I’m freaking out a bit because I’m tired. I am tired wired and it sucks! I need to calm things down for a bit.

I guess I’m just frustrated and annoyed. It’s making me think random thoughts like…Did you ever want to burn your life down to the ground? Just say, “Fuck it” and let everything you hold on tightly fall to ground. Have you ever thought about just walking away from everything; drop the keys by the door on your way out – Adios, see you later, I’m out. Did you ever want to walk out a door of your life saying that? Well, that’s how I’ve been feeling lately.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die😂 I just want the path I’m traveling on to be clear once in a while. I want my path to be a lush green meadow lined with blue rose bushes, never empty coffee cups, chocolate trees, meditation classes hosted by Deepak Chopra and Mr Blue Eyes giving me kisses and ice cream cones – and maybe, a light spanking as I walk by😂😂 Oh, and Ganesha would be my badass bouncer. Too much too ask?😂

Some days it seems the path I’ve ended up on feels like one dead end after another; like I’m driving at night on a long country road with no turns, exits or bathrooms in sight. Other times my life feels like it’s Groundhogs Day. Wait, I thought I already set the Universe straight on what was acceptable in my life. I’ve sacrificed a lot for my health. I expect my body to cooperate without issue. I told the Universal bigwigs where I thought I wanted to end up and who I thought would be a good traveling partner for me😘😉💋 So, I ask the ‘ole mighty Master of the Universe – what’s the hold up? Come on! Get it moving…Who do I have to fuck to get a little Universal Cooperation?

Oh well, back to my reality where nothing is how I want it to be. Linda has a frowny face ☹️ I’m going to meditate with Deepak Chopra now and hope he can calm some of this anxiety so I don’t tell the wrong person to fuck off😂

As for the weekend, I’m scheduled to volunteer at the Mission tomorrow night. I’ll have to see how I feel in the morning. Then there’s a barbecue I can skip and pool party I can sleep through😴😴 In any event, I suspect I’ll be “knocking” myself out again at some point this weekend😂 If you’re in the neighborhood, drop off Chicken Pho Soup with no white onions and a Ginger Ale, Thanks! 🍵🍽😂😂👍✌️

At least I can see the beach and the fireworks from my living room window😂👍

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Photography: David Dubnitskiy

Deep Rest ~ Love, Sex and Poetry

Deep Rest ~ Love, Sex and Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

The questions
I ask
Are all within
Am I strong enough
I ask my weary heart
The drops of rain
Fall down my cheek
As a long awaited
Spring rain
I feel the release
Of frustration
That I held
Tight in my hands
As if it were
My entitlement
Empowering me
Into silent
Asking the questions
Only I can answer
I walk the
Edges of river
And swim in waters of
Floating to the bottom
Weighed down
By the heaviness
Of thoughts and spirit
Slipping to the river floor
Without resistance
I fall
Releasing the pressure
Of the fight
In act of surrender
I Acquiesce
Retreating to
The solace of meditation
And breathe
I allow myself
The self indulgence
Of this frustration
And succumb
To the call
From within
To relax into
Deep rest
And find healing
In the surrender
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

NOTE: I’m still feeling a good bit of frustration in just about every aspect of my life. I just feel like things shouldn’t always be so fucking hard all the time. I shouldn’t have to fight this hard all the time – for everything. Something should be easy – something. That’s about as much as I am going to write on that topic today.

Maybe after a couple days of “rest”, I will feel refreshed. I’m off a couple of days helping my Mom after Cataracts surgery; it is good because I’m not doing much😂 I need the rest😴I am also glad I have a three day weekend coming up. If I need more sleep, my plans for the weekend are loose; they’re easy for me to change or bail out.

I am thankful the swelling in my neck lymph node is going down with the antibiotics. That means it was a bacterial infection which is a relief. I am still fairly beat up😴That means my Immune System needs some TLC. Rest and good self-care are always the things my body needs most but I seem to fight the most.

Hopefully my attitude improves as I get my energy back 👍👍🙏

Thunder Inside Today 

Oh, there is thunder inside today😂😂

I’m fairly frustrated today so I’m writing it out in this blog. This isn’t my normal sexy poetry nor is it inspirational. It is, just life. Everyone gets frustrated from time to time. I’m also not communicating with anyone in any form other than writing this blog today as I am afraid I won’t have anything pleasant to say anyone.

The source of my frustration is my Immune System. I had Mono when I was 21 years old. I got Epstein Barr Virus from that. As a result,my Immune System hasn’t been the same since. About three years ago, a blood test showed I had low Immunoglobulins which means it takes my body longer to fight stuff off. At the time, they held off giving me injections but gave me a whole list of Vitamins to take each day.

This Spring has been tough on my allergies. They’ve been very “keyed” up this year and it’s beating the crap out of me. I was on an antibiotic for sinus/ear infection in May. I had to take steroids for a sinus pressure induced migraine in early June and last week the Lymph Node on the left side of my neck blew up and is very sore. I went to the ENT on Friday. We both agreed, I’ve been down this road before. Once I get runned down, for whatever reason, my Immune System takes a long time to get its act together to fight it. He said the Lymph Node is the last thing to heal when you get sick and it actually was doing its job by collecting the bad stuff instead of letting it spread. He thinks it’s a bacterial infection rather than viral. He gave me antibiotic for seven days and told me to get more rest than I think I need😂☺️ He also asked me to make an appointment with the Immunologist again to get my blood work checked again. That appointment is July 6th. If the Lymph Node isn’t better by the end of week, I have call the ENT again.

I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t smoke. I don’t eat Gluten. I exercise. I practice yoga and meditation. I take a lot of vitamins. I eat right. I get enough sleep. I’m just not sure what more I can do or give up. I’m laying on a sofa on a beautiful afternoon instead of on the beach. I don’t feel sorry for myself. I know there are people who would be glad to have this problem. I’m just frustrated because I am doing everything right.

I’m also frustrated because I have to go stay with my Mother for two days tomorrow after work because she is having Cataracts surgery on her other eye. I’m annoyed about this because her house is old and falling apart. She can no longer take care of the big house and she refuses to move. The house has mold, she doesn’t clean well and I always come home feeling like crap and exhausted. While I have other family I could stay with, she needs me there. After this trip, I’m going to talk to her. Perhaps, me not staying at her house any longer will help pressure to move to an apartment.

Well, hopefully, the antibiotic kicks in and this Lymph Node feels better by tomorrow. I’ll still go to work tomorrow since I’m off for two days after that. I’ll have to put a happy face on for the next few days while I wait out the Lymph Node. Hopefully. Writing this out will alleviate some stress and help me relax a bit.

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

The Bare Soul ~ Love, Sex and Poetry

The Bare Soul ~ Love, Sex and Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

Deep inside you
Moving gently around you
I circle you
In mind and spirit
Pulling you
To me
Holding onto
Your thoughts
As if for ransom
I keep them
In my hand
As a possession
In my mind
As a reminder
In my soul
As a compass to my own
It’s your thoughts
Pulling me
Back to you
As if
I am tethered
To your hips
To each other
We return
It’s you
I tell the story for
For your eyes
I honor
The proposal
Of your mission
Through your history
I hear your words
And know
I am naked
My soul is naked
To your eyes
Touching me
With sparks
Of inspiration
Arousing the fire
Within me
Pulling me out
To meet you
With your presence
In my life
To you
I bow
With naked arousal
To the potential created
In the union
Of your soul to mine
Standing nude
Before you
I bare my soul
To your beautiful eyes
And know
It’s the first time
I allowed
A man
To truly see me
You see me
A bare soul
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Art Retrieved from: Sageword Facebook Page

Notes This was inspired by MBE and these thought provoking quotes I saw this weekend.

My Lover, My Muse ~ Love, Sex and Poetry

My Lover, My Muse ~ Love, Sex and Poetry
By: Linda A. Long

I feel a longing
For you
That stirs my appetite
For your attention
It’s a spark
From between my legs
As your aura
Brushes against mine
Inviting me
Into your world
Welcoming me
Into your fantasies
It raises my nipples
To your awareness
And wets my thighs
I notice
My heart
Beats faster
As I step closer to you
My hips sway wider
As I feel your energy
The cadence of your voice
My steps and
Keeps to the beat
Of our mutual desires
It’s the knowing
That I see in your
Brilliant blue eyes
As they meet mine
For just a second
Before scanning
My body
From my breasts
Down to my bare legs
Ending at my
High strappy heels
That wets me
In preparation for you
You know
My body is yours
And I like it
But that’s not what
Stokes your fire today
It’s my mind
And the knowledge that
The fire in my belly
Matches your own
It’s the acknowledgement
We are
A powerful union
That ignites us today
Let me step
To the pace of your thoughts
And allow you to relax
Knowing I’m in tune
With you without words
Let me reassure you
Your masculine dominance
Is the perfect fit
To my feminine opening
Lush, wet and ready
For the growing firestorm
Of our coupling
Let me stimulate you
As you grow in me
Slide your finger
Into my mind
Until I burst
With sensual self awareness
Into the depths
Of your consciousness
And fit perfectly into
The curve of your mind
Spinning my love
Into the deepest part
Of your soul
I spread my legs
To your erection
And stoke your
Intellectual fire
Until your mind
Explodes inside me
With the fire
To ignite my soul
My lover
My muse
I love you
(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Art Retrieved from: Sageword Facebook Page

Asteya – Are You Stealing From Your Happiness?

I am experienced meditator. Therefore, I am taking an advanced six week meditation class series🙏 This series is focusing on the the Yamas of Yoga. “The Yamas of Yoga are the moral, ethical or societal guidelines for the practice of yoga.” My meditation group is working with “Asteya” for the next two weeks.

When literally translated, Asteya means non-stealing. However, it has many applications in life. My homework from Thursday night’s meditation class is to reflect(meditate) on how do I give myself away, how do I steal from myself or my happiness by not honoring who I am. Whoa! This exploration is not for the fainted of heart as it requires being really honest with oneself. Believe me a lot of deep buried shit can and has come up for me during this series. I am grateful to “unstitch” myself a bit from old patterns as well as buried emotions. I’ve been choosing to refrain from chit-chatting a bit during day lately while I allow myself to be pensive and mindful about my thoughts and actions.

As I reflect on Asteya, I am very aware that I am much better now at taking care of myself and honoring who I am. I walked seven miles today and allowed my thoughts to focus on my life and how I stole from my happiness in the past. What I realized during this moving meditation was that I’m actually a better gate-keeper for myself than I used to be. The changes that I made in my life in the last few years put me in a better position to honor who I am and not steal from my own happiness.

During my walk, I truly felt like today was one of the best days I’ve had living in AC❤️🙏I ate a great breakfast at a local cafe. I walked seven miles around town. I supported the local arts community and visit a new exhibit. I shopped a little in the Tanger Outlets. All of this with my car never leaving my parking lot.

As I was enjoying my walk around town, I felt deep gratitude swell in my heart as I knew moving into my high-rise in AC in January 2014 was probably the best decision I made in my life in recent years. I say this because this move gave me the space to nurture myself. It gave me a peaceful non-stressful home to sit in silence to hear my own inner wisdom. It disconnected from an environment that was no longer for my highest good. Please know that nothing about that choice to move three years ago was easy to make.

The epiphany that I had to move and give myself a fresh start happened in October of 2013 when I had two weeks off from work during a government shutdown. That’s when I developed the plan. It required distancing myself from my roommate, disconnecting from a crowd of people, being disciplined enough to live on a budget, giving up an expensive monthly membership at a yoga studio that I loved, taking a small personal loan(which is now paid back), buying all new furniture,downsizing, throwing shit out, getting over my fear of living alone☺️,letting go, moving on from a broken heart, moving into a city a never lived in before and hoping for the best. As you can see, there was a lot of risk in my decision. I am a risk-taker by nature but this one was big for me. Guess what? I won. I won. Almost 2.5 years later, I’m still here & thriving. All because I stopped stealing from my own happiness, I listened to the little voice inside of me and I believed God would provide for me.

Someone asked me today if I would ever move out of AC. I know better than to say never. Life changes; people move. I will say I am not sure I could see myself living in a traditional large home offshore anymore but I believe in going where the spirit and journey calls me. For now, it wants to stay coastal but as I said…life can change. I will go where I am called 🙏

I am sharing this on my blog today because my intuition feels like someone needs to hear these words. I’m not really sure why. If you are reading this and my words resonant with you, I challenge you reflect on how you are stealing from your own happiness by not honoring who you’ve grown to become 🙏

For more information about the Yamas of Yoga, please visit

(C) 2016 Linda A. Long – All Rights Reserved

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Life Is Best When Lived Passionately

Art Retrieved from: Sageword Facebook Page


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